Cut off from society

I must say, the worst part of being in jail is being cut off from society. The only people you have are the two cellmates and the other people in the pod.

We can make calls, but they cost $2.25 and it's only for 15 minutes - which feels like five minutes after it's done.

Even on the TV we have six channels and are not allowed to watch news channels. We miss out on holidays, birthdays and all the good stuff that happens throughout the year.

It's hard to keep a relationship when you're locked in a box for years. But some manage.

It definitely gives you a lot of time to sit back and think about how good you had it. Stuff like soft toilet paper, your choice of food and music, a phone, conversations with other people that you aren't locked in with.

I miss being able to hug the ones I love, being able to calm them down when they're stressed.

Needless to say, I can't wait to be out in society, have a job, be with family and just enjoy every day.

Photo: Prison of Desires by Kleyos, www.deviantart.com

Cut off from society

My past (part 2)

As my freshman year went on, I lost 30 lbs. during wrestling. This seemed to help a lot with the whole girl situation. I had more girls coming at me than I had ever had before. This ended up kind of being a turning point in my life. Sadly, I let this get the best of me and blow up my ego. My mom always told me girls were trouble.

So as time went on, my grades started to slip. By the 11th grade, I was more worried about smoking weed, getting with girls and hanging out with friends rather than getting good grades, and I even was skipping out on workouts for wrestling. As time went on, my coach sat me down many times and tried to show me what I was doing wrong and how to fix it. But I thought I knew it all, like every other 17-year-old kid. I should have listened to him, seeing as how he was like a father to me. Believe me, I think about his speeches every day.

By my senior year, my grades were at about a 2.2 and I was skipping classes, except P.E. – that was my favorite. By this time, I had made a group of friends that I thought were my friends. I later learned didn’t care a thing about me. About a week after the state tournament for wrestling, I got kicked out of my house for smoking weed. But who could blame my mom? I wasn’t just going down hill. I fell off the cliff.

But when I was out there, I had nowhere to go. My “friend” wanted me to drive him to commit some crimes. At the time, I really needed money, so I did it like a fool – not understanding what a burglary can do to the victim. When I was driving him, I didn’t think that I was taking people’s peace of mind from them. They probably can’t sleep at night because of me. I didn’t think of this stuff. All I was thinking is that I needed money. I pray every night for those people I hurt. God know I would never do anything like that again.

The burglaries didn’t last long though. A week later, the cops were at my front door. So as I’m driving home at 3 a.m. to see why my mom was calling me, the cops got behind me and pulled me over. They pulled me over at gunpoint and arrested me on three burglary charges and one charge of dealing in stolen property. I never thought it would escalate to that. Here I was a senior with two months left in high school and I was sitting in a cell at Land O’Lakes jail at 18 years old.

About a week into it, I had a surprise visit from my father who said he was going to get me a lawyer and bonded me out. I did not ask him to do this, seeing as how I did it to myself. But he said he wanted to. So a month later, I bonded out and got a court date in October where I opened a plea and the judge gave me six years probation. Some think I got away easy, but I think I got slammed. It’s almost impossible to do [six years probation] – or that was at least the dumb mindset I had at 18 years old.

So what did I do? I kept on doing what I was doing and failed a drug test. Three months later, here I am back in jail.
After two months, I got released on two years house arrest and four years probation. Let me tell you how hard life is when you got an ankle bracelet and a big beeping box everywhere. I felt like I couldn’t do anything. So what did an ignorant kid do? Went on the run. So here I am on my way to prison. Because of one bad choice that’d I’d never do again.

My past (part 2)

My past (part 1)

My story starts on November 4th, 1989 in Fort Meyers, Florida when I was born. I don’t remember too much from there, seeing as I moved to Holiday, FL when I was about 3 or 4.

Unlike most people that are in jail, I can’t say I had a rough childhood. My father is a firefighter and my mom worked at the dispatch center, then a kennel in Palm Harbor. We never really had to struggle to get by or at least they never showed it.
Growing up I liked to play sports, sports and more sports. As a kid, I played soccer, baseball, hockey and I was even in a bowling league. My parents always made sure I had everything I needed and the money to enroll in these activities.

But there are two sides to every story. My father was always a good provider for the family, but he was a stickler. He would yell at you for doing something - then you’d catch him doing the same thing. Even simple things like leaving a soda can out, he would yell for us to pick it up. Meanwhile, he had a stack of two or three next to him. But that never really bothered me too much. The only thing that he did that really bothered me was when I was at home, I used to like to walk around with no shirt. (I was an overweight child.) This really seemed to bother my dad who was well overweight at the time also. Every time I would come out of my room, I would get heckled and told to put a shirt on. This really seemed to bother me and they used to wonder why I stayed in my room all the time.

My mother was always doing what she could to help the family and hide all the stupid things me and my brother used to do. She would never miss any of my sport events no matter how tired or how long of a day she had. I love my mom for what she used to do for me. It’s hard to understand that stuff as a kid. You feel that they should be there regardless, but there are a lot of people who don’t have that.

But as the years grew, my parents started to fight almost daily. Not physically, just verbally. It boiled down to my mom stresses about little things and blows them up and my dad just liked to keep on pushing her buttons. This eventually led to my parents getting a divorce when I was in the 9th grade. I wasn’t happy about it. But at least I new I wouldn’t have to hear fighting every day and I could walk around with my shirt off. It doesn’t sound like much, but it helped.

My dad was quite controlling. He wanted me and my sister to live back and forth between his and my mom’s place. I didn’t want to leave. This is my home. I always kind of felt like my dad on wanted us there as a way to get back at my mom. Like Ha, you can’t have them today, they’re mine. I wasn’t gonna be part of a tug-o-war match. So I decided to just stay with my mom.
This didn’t settle well with my dad and we eventually lost contact. Some of that is my fault. During this time, I was playing football for my school and I started a new sport – wrestling. This took up most of my time. I was quite intrigued with wrestling. It was unlike anything else I have ever done. When I was there, I didn’t have to worry about anything. I kept good grades – about a 3.0 consistently. I could have done better, but I was lazy. I really regret that.

Now I’m one of those people who looks back and thinks “what if.” You don’t want to be that person, believe me.

My past (part 1)

Life on the run

A lot of people brag about being on the run. Believe me, this is nothing to brag about, nor is it something I ever want to do again.

It's not fun to wake up every day and have to look out the window just to go get fresh air. It sucks to not be able to go shopping for yourself or go into a restaurant. Now that I think about it, I basically did 11 months house arrest. How silly of me to think I couldn't do it, huh?

There were nights on the run when I couldn't even breathe. It would take a lot for me to catch my breath. It felt like someone took the lungs out of my chest. Sometimes, whenever I thought about being caught, I suddenly would lose my breath. Does this sound like a life you would want to live? I didn't think so!

When I finally did get caught, it was almost as if a weight was lifted off of my chest. Luckily, when I was on the run, I had good people around me to make sure that I was well taken care of. But I had to lie to them and I feel bad about that. They took me in like I was their own. To them - I'm sorry and thank you so much.

But next time any of you want to go on the run, just remember that it will only lead to one place. And that's gonna be about 400 miles from home and in a tiny concrete home with no freedom. If that's sound like what you'd like to do, be my guest.

If I could give you any advice, it'd be to just do your probation and move on. What's a few years compared to the rest of your life?

Life on the run

Power trip

I think as a qualification to be a CO, they must live one day as an inmate. It seems as thought the get joy out of making our lives hell. As if they are not God enough because we are in jail.

When we are locked down at night, if 10 or more people are talking, the TV gets taken. If they keep it up, they take our hot water. This doesn't bother them at all, seeing as how they go home at the end of the day.

When I say take it, I mean it's gone for days. Their favorite thing to do is take the phones. I want them to go days without talking to their family. I bet they'd never take it again. All because the people who don't call home or have anything to lose can't shut up. They punish everyone. I bet that they brag about what they do to us.

But don't get me wrong. There are a couple who come just to do their job and go home. But some also live to make our lives difficult.

Power trip

A typical jail day

I've been to Land O'Lake [a Pasco County jail] three times in my life, but there was something different about this time! It seems like racism is heavier than it has ever been. You have white people walking around with swastikas in their head. Hispanics are just waiting for someone to fight them so they can all jump in.

For a person who is not prejudiced, it is awfully weird to see a pod so segregated. I have already seen six fights and it’s only my 9^th day…

What is a normal day? Whenever people find out I have been to jail, they ask me what it’s like. Well it’s super boring, but let me break it down for you.

It all starts at 4:14 – 4:30 a.m. when we get a wonderful wake-up call for breakfast, which consists of a baby bowl of cereal and a sandwich (either cheese, egg or peanut butter). I have yet to meet anyone that gets full off of this. After that, we go back to our cells.

On Monday, Wednesday and Friday, we are woken up two hours later by the loud rattling of wheels on the laundry cart. I swear they do this just to push us. They can’t come later in the day?

After that, we go on lockdown ‘til about 9:30 – 9:45 a.m. At 9:45, we can wander around our pod – which consists of six steel tables with four seats, one TV that only has six channels, 15 plastic chairs, three phones, and four showers – but only three work. That’s about as free as we get. Then at 10:15, we get to eat lunch, which is usually a bologna sandwich, a pear and some lettuce. I think this makes people more hungry than anything.

After lunch, we get to wander around, watch TV or play cards ‘til 12. Then it’s back to our cells for a half hour for count. Any time we have to go to our cells, it’s no fun. There is nothing to do except talk to your cellmates. This gets old very fast after I hear their life story 10 times over.

At 12:30, p.m., we get to come out of our cells and if we are lucky, we get to go to Rec – which has two basketball hoops and a volleyball net. It isn’t a big area at all. It has about 30 – 40 foot high brick wall with chain link fence and barbed wire at the top. I think its’ a tease and kind of depressing. We only can go out there for 30 – 45 minutes then it’s right back to our pod.

At 3:15 p.m., we get the privilege of eating dinner – which is just slop with a little bit of fruit.

After dinner is the worst part of the day – we get locked in our cells from 4 – 6:30 p.m. But usually we don’t get out ‘til about 7:30 p.m. whenever the CO wants to let us out.

After that, we get to wander around some more. I usually watch Sports, but a lot of people play cards. It gets quite loud with about 50 people in here at night.

From 7:30 – 11 p.m. it goes by quite fast. Seeing as how there is a lot to do.

Then at 11 p.m., it’s time for lockdown ‘til breakfast. Then right back to the same routine.

I told you – it gets boring fast.

A typical jail day